cope with anger and How to deal with it

Silence;Bipolar disorder,Bipolar,sychology facts,psychology

Anger is a feeling a person has because of something that hurts, opposes, or annoys him.
The following should be taken into account when talking about anger:
it’s is a good feeling in itself.
The primary goal of it: self-protection. Al-Shafei, may Allah have mercy on him, said: He who is angry but not a donkey.
it can be used in a healthy way, and it does not necessarily lead to aggression towards others.

Your anger at your offer gives you the power to push those who harassed him.
Your anger at yourself for being less than others gives you the power to excel.
Your anger for your nation gives you the strength to defend it.
(The experience of “the nation’s anger” against the Danish press against the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, is evidence of healthy anger.
Therefore … it is not a problem in itself … Otherwise, we would not have the term “anger for the soul, and anger for Allah is violated.”

Allah Almighty described instances of anger for some of his prophets, but it was anger to Allah, the Exalted and the Most High, as Allah Almighty told about Moses, peace be upon him, “He threw the tablets and took the head of his brother to drag him to him.
And he narrated from Noah, peace be upon him, his supplication to his people, “Lord, do not scatter homes of the unbelievers on earth. If you leave them, they will mislead your servants and give birth to nothing but immoral or unbelievers.”
Imam Al-Ghazali said: The anger has lost its reprehensibility, but the praised one is anger that awaits the signal of reason and religion. The best of matters among her: “Whoever tends his anger to apathy until he feels from himself the weakness of jealousy and the lowliness of himself in the possibility of humiliation and injustice misplaced him, he should treat himself so that his anger becomes stronger. To diminish from the anger and stand on the right middle between the two sides, it is the straight path.
Anger, fear, and sadness:
Fear is the first preventive response to any feeling of threat, anger is the next response to it, and without it, you will only have fear.

Silence;Bipolar disorder,Bipolar,sychology facts,psychology

Imam al-Mawardi said:

The cause of anger is an attack that is what the soul hates without it, and the cause of sadness is an attack that the soul hates of them. Anger moves from inside the body to outside the body, and sadness moves from outside the body to inside it.

That is why grief kills, but not anger, for the emergence of anger and the proliferation of grief. And the incident of anger became power and revenge for its prominence, and the talk of sadness, sickness, and resilience.

Therefore, grief led to death, and anger did not lead to him. This is a difference between sorrow and anger.

Imam Al-Ghazali said:
Rather, blood expands if he gets angry at someone else and senses the ability to do so, and if the anger stems from those above him and he is desperate for revenge, then blood contraction from the surface of the skin to the core of the heart will result, and it becomes grief. Therefore, the color is yellow. And if the anger is for a peer, he suspects the frequency of blood between systole and diastole, then it turns red, yellows, and confused.

Anger and love:

Why is anger common among spouses? And why are the problems of “family violence” so many?
You need a lot of love, and you feel when you do not receive it hurt, and you are afraid that you will be wounded again, or that there is a defect of your own, and you develop a kind of defense and protection, and from here anger enters.

Buried anger:

It is the accumulated pent-up anger, and it appears in one of two forms:


such as depressive manifestations, or organic mental illness, and it may go beyond suicidal behavior.
Exploding in fits of anger, in which we feel a lack of self-control, and the angry reaction does not match the explosive behaviors of it.

And some people sometimes resort to some addictive behaviors, such as alcoholism, smoking, compulsive shopping or the Internet, to get rid of the effects of (illness, or bursting into tantrums).

Stages of anger:

There are four stages of anger:

Warning stage: a warning sign that the situation you are in may provoke your anger, and it is accompanied by some physiological and psychological symptoms (fatigue, lack of sleep, overthinking).
The ignition stage.
Stage of rising anger.
Remission stage.
Knowing the features of each stage for you protects you from losing control of your anger, and enables you to prevent the transition from one stage to another.

Causes of anger:

Anger and violence often arise from feelings of helplessness and weakness.
External causes: They are represented by the pressures that a person experiences, whether they are health, economic, practical, or social … etc. However, the most important issue is: How does he perceive the pressures, and then react to them.
And all the pressures can lead to a quadruple of emotions: (fear, anger, sadness, anxiety), according to the human interpretation of them.
Among the causes of anger: the flirtatious companionship for anger, which it desires, and which you see as qualities of manhood.


There are educational methods that can enhance the anger response in the child and grow with him in his maturity, such as:

Deprivation of what he loves.
Excessive pampering and accustom him to be the center of the world around him, so he does not postpone the satisfaction of his desires.
The angry father and the oppressed mother develops in the child one of two directions:

either the positive anger imitating his father or the negative anger that is muffled, in isolation with his mother.
A family that is accustomed to suppressing the expression of their feelings and does not allow their children to empty their anger and express their feelings turns them into ticking bombs !!

Personality :

• Some personality traits can contribute to preparing for and triggering anger. Both introversion and extroversion have its own effect on reducing or increasing anger, and it interacts with some special situations to complete or disappear the anger equation. An increase in the “neurotic” trait helps to increase anger and tension.
• Personality disorders contribute greatly to fueling and escalating anger, such as narcissistic personality (if it feels hurt), obsessive (if you feel inferior to the specified standard), borderline, and paranoid (if suspicion increases).

How to deal with your anger:

The treatment has a cognitive and behavioral aspect, and we will summarize them together as follows:

Think about the effects of violence on oneself and others:
Imam Al-Ghazali said: Among the manifestations of this anger: the change of color, the intensity of trembling in the limbs, the deviation of the action from order and order, and the disturbance of movement and speech until the appearance of froth in the shadows and redness. From the hums the nostrils rotate and creation becomes impossible. If he had seen his anger in his anger, his image would have been ugly, he would have calmed his anger from the shame of the ugliness of his image and the impossibility of his creation. The ugliness of the inside is greater than the ugliness of its appearance, so the external appearance is the title of the inside, but the image of the inside is oppressed first, then its ugliness spreads to the second visible – then the external change is the fruit of the change from the inside, so that the fruit is divided with the fruit, and this is its effect on the body.
As for its effect on the tongue, it begins with insults and obscenity from speech that the mind is ashamed of and ashamed of saying when anger cools, by mixing regulations and confusing speech.
As for its effect on the organs, it is hitting, assault, tearing, killing, and wounding whenever possible without indifference. The perplexed might fall quickly and not bear the enemy because of the intensity of anger, and it would be like ecstasy, and it might strike inanimate objects and animals and hit the vessel for example on the ground, and it might break the table if it was angry with it. Oh, Kate and Kate as if he’s addressing a sane man until he might kick him and kick the animal and meet him.
As for its effect on the heart of an angry one, it is hatred, envy, bad eyes, gloating over evil, grief with pleasure, insistence on divulging a secret, rape, ridicule, and other offenses, and this is the fruit of excessive anger.

Some writers said: Beware of the pride of anger, because that leads to the humiliation of the excuse. Some poets said: If the glory and your anger do not admit you, remember that the apology will subside.
Know the causes of your anxiety: whether it is related to your personal characteristics, the stresses you are going through, or the behavior of other parties with you.

Think about the virtues of anger management, whether religious, social, or psychological: narrated from the Prophet virtues peace be upon him, he said, “a voice calls out the Day of Resurrection: From his reward on Allah Almighty So let. Who shall Avon about people? He then read:” It is obsolete And he reformed, so his reward, upon Allah. “
And the Messenger of Allah, may Allah’s prayers and peace be upon him, said: “No one has increased with pardon except for honor, so pardon and may Allah bless you.”
It was narrated on the authority of Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, that he said: He who fears Allah will not cure his anxiety, and whoever fears Allah will not do what he wants, and if it were not for the Day of Resurrection, he would have been different from what you see.
Some of the forefathers said: The closest to what a servant is to the wrath of Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, if he is angry.

Think about the purpose and end of this world: A person often forgets at the time of his anxiety that he is in this world for the purpose of worshiping Allah Almighty and that death is approaching him, and mentioning death reduces it. And some of the kings of the sect, if angered, throwing the keys into the tombs of kings, then his anger would disappear.
Said Abdullah bin Muslim bin warrior Haroon Rashid: O Commander of the faithful ask him who you are in his hands between the hands of me humiliated, and that which is to appreciate your punishment you a punitive measure of what forgiven me. He pardoned him when the power of Allah Almighty mentioned.

Find possible alternatives away from violence and aggression.
The correct expression of your emotions: by talking about the subject that angered you to others, and by discussing with them about it. And try – as much as possible – to talk about what angered you and to those who upset you.
Express your anxiety in your body: If you feel furious and you are unable to control it, you can express it by shouting in an empty place, or hitting a pillowcase, or a bag of sand .. The important thing is that you feel that you have emptied the rising energy of anxiety.
Extend the distance between the stimulus and the response: the anger is at its most intense in the first moments, then decreases with the passage of time, and if you can delay your response to what anger you, this means that you have made progress in reducing your anger, and the longer the period, the greater the possibility of reducing the anger .

Prophetic guidance of the angry:

Reflection on the Qur’anic verses, the prophetic hadiths that are liked to suppress anger, such as the Almighty’s saying: “And those who suppress anger and forgive people.” And the Almighty said, “And if they get angry, they will forgive.”
On the authority of Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, that a man said to the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, recommend me, he said, “Do not be angry.” He repeated that repeatedly, saying, “Don’t get angry.” Narrated by Al-Bukhari.
And in a narration that the man said: So I thought when the Prophet, may Allah’s prayers and peace be upon him, said what he had said. So anger combines all evil.
He said, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and whoever suppresses anger, and if he wishes to pass it away, he will spend it, Allah will fill his heart with satisfaction on the Day of Resurrection.
And he, may blessings and peace be upon him, said: “Whoever stifles anger and is able to carry it out, Allah Almighty will call him on the heads of creatures on the Day of Resurrection so that he will give him what he wants from the Houris.
The Messenger of Allah, may Allah’s prayers and peace be upon him, said: “It is not the severe who has epilepsy, but the strong who possesses himself when angry.” Agreed upon.
He said, may blessings and peace be upon him, “The frenzy is all the fad that gets angry, so his anger intensifies, his face turns red, and his hair shrivels so his anger suffers.”

On the authority of Anas, the Prophet, may Allah’s prayers and peace be upon him, passed by a people who were standing together, and he said: What is this? They said: So-and-so. He does not struggle with anyone but his death. He said: Shall I not guide you on who is more severe than him? A man wronged him, so he suppressed his anger, so he overcame him and defeated his demon, and the demon of his owner.

Seeking refuge in Allah from Satan:

On the authority of Suleiman bin Surrad, he said: I was sitting with the Prophet, may Allah’s prayers and peace be upon him, and two men were seeking refuge, one of them had a reddened face and had swollen veins (veins from the neck) so the Prophet, peace, and blessings be upon him, said: I would know a word if he said it, he would go away from him if he said I seek refuge in Allah from Satan went for what he found. Bukhari and Muslim.
And he, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: If a man gets angry and says I seek refuge in Allah, his anger will subside.
• Silence: The Messenger of Allah, may Allah’s prayers and peace be upon him, said: “If one of you gets angry, let him be silent.”
So that he does not speak in the phase of his anger with unfortunate consequences after the end of his emotion.

  • Changing the body from movement to stillness: The Messenger of Allah, may Allah’s prayers and peace be upon him, said: “If one of you gets angry while he is standing, let him sit. The scholar Al-Khattabi, may Allah have mercy on him, said: “The standing is ready for movement and oppression, and the sitting is without him in this sense, and lying down is forbidden from them.

Following the example of the righteous models in dealing with anger. Allah Almighty directed His Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, to follow the example of the previous prophets: “Those whom Allah has guided, so by their guidance I will follow him.”
On the authority of Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, he said: I was walking with the Messenger of Allah, may Allah’s prayers and peace be upon him, with a carious hail on him, with a thick hem. Then he said: O Muhammad, pass to me from the money of Allah that you have, so he turned to him, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, laughed, then ordered him to give. Agreed upon.
On the authority of Ibn Abbas, may Allah be pleased with them both, that a man sought permission on Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, so he gave him permission, and he said to him: O Ibn al-Khattab, by Allah, you do not give us (the great tender) and do not judge us with justice, so Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, was angry until he wanted to sign it. Qais, (and he was from the sitters of Umar): O Commander of the Faithful, Allah Almighty said to his Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace: (Take pardon and command the custom and turn away from the ignorant) and this is from the ignorant, so by Allah, Omar, may Allah be pleased with him, did not exceed her when he recited it to him, and it was And he stood at the book of Allah Almighty. Narrated by Bukhari

  • Knowing the bad things about anger.
  • Pray for.

Advice to Imam al-Mawardi:
The reasons for dreaming that trigger self-control are ten:
One of them is mercy for the ignorant:
Said Abu Darda may Allah be pleased with him to hear a man talk: Oh this is not Ngrguen in Spagna, bade farewell to reconcile the subject, we do not reward from disobeyed Allah in us more than to obey Allah Almighty in it.
A man insulted the people and said: If you did not say, then Allah forgive me, and if I am not as I said then Allah forgive you.
And the second: the ability to be victorious, and that is from patience and good confidence. It was narrated on the authority of the Prophet, may Allah’s prayers and peace be upon him, that he said: “If you are capable of your enemy, make the pardon thankful for the ability upon him.”
And the third: to refrain from the cause and that is due to the honor of the soul and the exaltation of energy.
And fourth: underestimated Palmse and that beatings of arrogance and admiration, what was narrated from Musab ibn al-Zubayr that when the Crown Iraq sat days to tender the soldiers ordered the caller cried where Amr ibn Jermoz, who killed his father Zubair, was said to him: O Prince that he had spacing in the ground. And he said: Does the ignorant think that I will tie him to my father Abdullah? Let him appear secure, so that he may receive his bid. So the people considered that to be considered good.

Most of a man cursed the Hanaf, and he did not answer him, and he said: By Allah, he forbade him from my reply except my humiliation to him.
And the fifth: to be ashamed of the reward of the answer. And this is from the maintenance of the soul and the perfection of the woman. And some wise men have said: It is better to turn a blind eye to the ignorant than to deal with him. Luqit ibn Zarara said:
And say to the son of Saad: For what I have and what you do, you will be blessed with me as much as you are able and set free.
I have deceived you that I am the best of a seer, and that by immorality I transgress
And if that has offended me, oppress me comfortably, you are smarter with immorality.

And the sixth: Kindness to the cause. For this shall be of generosity and love of being together. Narrated Ahnaf bin Qais, he said: What Aadani one has ever taken, but in his command in one of three things: that was the highest of me knew of him, though Donny lifted my fate with him, though my counterpart kindly on it.
And the seventh: Abandoning the curses and cutting off the curses. This would be from Al-Hizm, as it was said that a man said to Dharar Ibn Al-Qaqaa: By Allah if you said one piece of lice. He said to him, Dharr: By Allah, if I had said ten, you would not hear one.
The eighth: Fear of the penalty for the answer. And this is from the weakness of the soul, and perhaps the opinion obliged him, and the determination necessitated it.
The ninth: Providence is a previous hand, and respect is required. And this is from loyalty and good covenant.
And the tenth: deceitful and anticipating backroom opportunities. And this shall be from malice. Some of the writers said: The anger of the ignorant in his words, and the anger of the rational person in his actions.